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Keeping your emotions in check in a high-asset divorce

Divorces can be an emotionally draining period. Certain feelings can dominate a client’s mental state depending on what led to the divorce. These include feelings of anger or resentment at a partner, guilt for feeling like the marriage has failed, fear or uncertainty for the future, or event relief that an end is in sight.

While it is natural to have strong emotions during a divorce, it is vital to keep them in check when dealing with the distribution of assets, especially if it is a high-asset divorce, where these emotions can be even stronger because of the money or property involved. Before you go to court, it is important to check yourself for any strong reactions you might have against your ex. Failure to do so can result in any of these aggressive emotions to negatively impact your future business and retirement plans.


If you are furious at your ex’s past actions, the divorce proceeding is not your way to settle the emotional score. Trying to get revenge beforehand or showcasing your rage to the public can be used against you. Some angry individuals vent about their spouses on social media, but those posts can be used in mediation, negotiation, or even court as reason to gain control over more assets and child custody. No matter how justifiable your rage is, physically or verbally demonstrating it can paint you in a negative light to the court.


Whether they were the cause of the divorce or not, many individuals feel guilty for failing as a spouse. Remorseful divorcees might try and make up for their mistakes by willingly handing more assets over to their partner as a way to make up for the guilt. This is rarely required, however, and can be a disadvantage in negotiations. In a high-asset divorce, handing more property over than necessary can be potentially devastating for any business or future financial plans you have. You need to consider your own future as well.


You might also have emotions that dictate how quickly you want these proceedings to go. Stressful individuals might think that getting the divorce done faster can quickly dissolve any mental anxiety associated with the process. Those who are excited to be away from their ex or out of a marriage could rush through the proceedings to finally get away from their past and onto a new chapter in their lives. This can lead to feelings of “buyer’s remorse” soon after the divorce, with no way to go back for a do-over.

Letting your emotions control your actions in a high-asset divorce can have long-term consequences. If you let your feelings get the best of you, you could lose valuable assets that negatively impact your business, retirement savings, and estate planning. You need to outline your goals with your attorney on what you want out of the proceedings. Having a goal can help you aim your decisions to benefit your future and will make it easier to maintain any strong feelings you have from the split.

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